I know now that you were sent my way to make me take deeper roots, to remind me that I’m resilient, that I will always find ways to endure.
You almost got me for a while there; your vile words were the ear worm that found its way inside and reminded me of the familiar darkness of self doubt, pushing me to succumb to apathy. But you see, love is stronger than all the negative light that you emit.
I forgive you. I forgive you for not knowing that we were made out of love — made to love. I forgive you for letting the world dictate everything you believe. I forgive you for believing that women are beneath you, and breaking a woman is a man’s birthright.
I forgive you for believing that a man can break a woman at all.
We were made with the strength of the universe running through our veins. We were made with the ability to create life (if we opted to). We were made with the all encompassing strength to carry life, create life and love unconditionally without a second of hesitation despite all the pain that comes with it.
As for me, my body has only ever known the touch of hate and touch of emptiness. Love has always been a stranger to my body and an illusion to my mind. Love has always been my tooth-fairy; the illusive guardian of the secrets tucked under my pillow that is anchored by nothing but my conviction that it exists. And all that empty cuddles and hurtful hands taught me was that maybe I’ll never be loved but instead I could be love.
So I look you in the eyes and forgive you, your ignorance and your gulliable mind that embraced that narrative of male entitlement that you were spoon fed by a skewed culture of oblivion. And I hope someday when you learn what it’s like to have words and ideas break young minds, the universe will be kind with the delivery of that lesson.
You were sent my way to see how far I could go till responding with empathy and love was no longer an option. And every morning you sink me deeper, and every morning I surprise myself — for that gift I’m thankful.