Conversations with Lankan Aunties


Good to see you too aunty, yes, I have gained some weight. Only you would notice how I’ve simultaneously lost weight in the face-area and gained weight elsewhere. It’s a mystery to me, but considering you’re wise beyond years, I’m sure you have an explanation. Yes aunty, I heard about aunty C’s daughter. It’s a shame she fell in love with a boy from another religion. How dare she. She should have known better. I heard aunty C is okay with that and the daughter is happy. How dare they. 

Of course aunty, you were right about getting an Arts degree. The field doesn’t play well, that is if it even qualifies to be called an actual field of employment. We are just a bunch of hippies who can’t count. Although we have that one thing not many of those who took your advice hasn’t; we have a little something called happiness. And no aunty, I’m not only talking about the kind you roll up and puff either. I’m talking about actual job satisfaction , the joy of knowing you’ve made a difference in someone’s life, you’ve made a dent in the world even if you couldn’t change a whole lot. But then again aunty, you’re right, happiness doesn’t pay. When time comes, what’s the point of having lived with a happy conscious if I haven’t earned enough for a VIP casket. 

Marry rich you say? I was thinking the same. Sod equality, am I right? But as you and all the aunty’s at the club house know, I’m still single. I’m sorry for the pain this causes you. I’m glad you think aunty Kusum’s son (who just graduated as an engineer with a 3.0 GPA) and I would make the perfect couple, despite us not having met each other. I mean, I’m perfectly capable of fending for myself and protecting myself but aunty, you’re right, I must marry before people start talking about it (or are they already?). I know, I know. It’s probably my tattoos that make boys so averse to the likes of me. Surely the length of shorts and my general demeanour is a contributing factor too. Thank you for your concern aunty. 

What is that aunty? Oh yes, I’m glad to have met you after 10 years, and that’s enough rice for me, I’m watching my weight. 
‘What weight’, you ask? 


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