To my son, someday.

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Son,

Someday you will hear of stories about men that broke hearts, stole, violated and raped women. Someday you will learn of  a society that justified their behaviour by staying silent so much so that that some of them aren’t even aware that they’ve committed a crime.

You will imagine lines of ethnicity, nationality, gender to differentiate him, to convince yourself that he is the “other”,  because believing that the blood in his veins are the same as rest of us would be too much for you to fathom. But please, my son, understand that he is one of us. He is a son, a brother, a father, just like the rest of us. Labelling him as the other is going to hinder you from an important lesson, the lesson that the devil and saint both reside within us, but its a matter of which we nurture. Humans are capable of evil, my love. We do more harm to each other than an entire deep sea of Piranhas.

Understand that the same society that brought you and I  up, brought them up as well.

Here’s everything I wish their mothers told him;

Please don’t justify breaking hearts. Please don’t give in to the notion of “boys will be boys“. Don’t compensate to your heartbreak by preying on dreams of girls that fall in love with you. And don’t break the bones of girls who don’t fall in love with you. She is allowed to say no, my love, and as much as it hurts, it doesn’t make you less of a man.  It takes courage not have your love reciprocated, it takes courage to love unconditionally, it takes courage to fall in love over again, in spite of hurt.

And if she does fall in love, don’t restrict her from being herself, don’t police her. Don’t judge her by the length of the skirt or by her nocturnal behaviour. Don’t be a hypocrite. Trust that she can be faithful, just as much as you can. Trust that she can handle her alcohol, just as much as you did. Trust that she can advance in her career without selling her body and soul – you made it, after all. It takes  courage to trust, it takes courage to see the best in people.

Please, please don’t think you’re entitled. You’re not. If she says no, understand that she means no. She is not being coy. Her body is not your plaything, my love. Her body is her’s to do what she likes with. Work for it, earn it. Love and wealth alike. The universe doesn’t owe you anything, my love. You’ve got to earn it.

Please don’t be afraid to feel. Its okay that you felt sad when Bambi’s mother died. Heck, its okay that you cried watching Lion King for the second time, and the third. Crying doesn’t make you less of a man. Don’t feel the need to work hard to suppress your emotions. Don’t feel the need to prove that you’re devoid of emotions. Please don’t see the need to go out of the way to prove that emotions are insignificant.

Strong doesn’t mean you are devoid of feelings, strong means you have the courage to feel.  It takes courage to give in to emotion, it takes courage to admit that you feel. 

xx

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