Writing as Anika: 05. Daggers at my soul. 

Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 preset
Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 preset

It’s been a month now.

Nothing much has changed,

But everything has.

I’m seeking refuge in oblivion by day,

Praying for the courage to run the blade horizontally by night.

I’m not a victim, I tell myself,

Everyday.

I do a good job at living this lie.

I maintain my grades,

I maintain my smile,

Nothing else matters,

does it?

I laugh more than I should,

Compensating to the unshed tears,

My words louder than they used to be,

Louder than the demons in my head,

Still saying nothing.

I’m playing a part,

The emotionless; the strong.

I shut my emotions out,

I shut myself out.

Conversations about last night,

about good sex and bad sex,

First kisses and stolen nights –

Daggers at my soul.

Pushing my fragile self to the edge.

Maybe tonight will be the night it all ends,

I sit in my room – the scene of crime,

Cocktail of pills in one hand,

Will to live, slipping through the other.

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