Writing as Anika: 02.Blur

Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 preset
Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 preset

Which day is it?

I forget.

Everything is a blur.

I walk aimlessly,

end up in the balcony – as always,

a cigarette ashing in my hand.

Is it morning?

Is it night?

Hard to tell, I haven’t slept in weeks.

I’ve been up for two sunrises and two sunsets now.

Sleep is not an option,

any attempt is redundant.

I see his face,

I feel his grip,

I’m smothered by his body weight,

and the even more so

the weight of the shame.

I light another cigarette – play another sad song.

This time, I ash it on my wrist,

Its easier to focus on a physical pain

than to feel the agony of your soul burn.

I try not to think of it,

I don’t remember most of it

– actually, I do.

I tell myself I don’t remember.

That seems to be working,

its all just a blur.

 

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