Support system 

My downward spiral was interrupted with flash floods; while my mind was silently pivoting to a bottomless pit of apathy and agony, the world around me decided to crash in, taking down people I love with it.  I watched. We watched.  This time it was different. We didn’t speak. None of us said “don’t cry”,…

Whispers of death. 

Tonight I’m inconsolable.  I’ve been shielded by deadlines and to-do lists for far too long. And tonight, it’s all catching up on me.  I’m reminded that there’s no one I could run to – smothered by the void around me.  I’m reminded that my absence makes no impact – much like my presence I’m reminded…

Relapse 

The redness of my right wrist says I tried to hurt myself again. I ignore your narrow gaze now fixated on my hand just to access the degree of damage. As if the depth of the scars would indicate how prepared you need to be this time – to pull me back out of it…

home is such a lonely place//

  Blink-182 made a new song. It goes something like this, “home is such a lonely place without you”.   21 years and I’ve never written about you.   Writing was always my means of coming to terms with things, writing was me coming to terms with the emotions, writing was my sanctuary; the act…

People will let you down. 

People are going to let you down. Even the most unassuming ones – the ones bonded by soul, bonded by blood, bonded by words.  More often than not, it’s not necessarily meant out of malice. Understand maybe their not attuned to the chords of your heart to know what would hurt you, what would not….

when I said I was difficult. 

when I said I was difficult; I wasn’t depreciating myself, I wasn’t unhappy with my circumstances  – and most importantly, I wasn’t challenging anyone to try and deal with it – many have tried, few came close to but none succeeded.  I knew the circumference of my soul, The depth of the abyss that is…

Suicide and I.

Suicide was my escape —  the dream destination that I mulled over, each time my mind tricked me in to feeling like the world was closing in on me. Suicide was my first love —  on most days, I was over it. But the second life got a tad too overwhelming again, I’d find myself…

Inertia

    The moments before it all translates in to paper is by far the most agonizing.  There are emotions trapped fighting their way through the abyss within and they always find their way out; either through meticulously carved incisions etched on the right wrist, or a concoction of darkness and light unraveling on to…

a. m. after

  the walls that were guarding your heart had collapsed and like the ribcage guarding your heart turning inside out, it had pierced right through the very thing it was guarding. You stand comatose unknowing if you are to pull out the damage and heal your heart or to let the thorns fester and seek…

Child of Love

You are the child of love — the personification of a love story that knew no boundaries, knew no restrain. A story that defied the rules, beat the odds. A love that made a house out of pennies and a home out of happiness. A love that withstood the life, death, sickness, heartbreak, & distance only…

Smothered Screams & Scribbles

he veils her lips with his virile hands, rerouting the screams, and for years after, the screams stay trapped inside her soul instead, playing tricks on her hallucinating mind, raising havoc, conversing with death – begging for blades to carve an exit route. Each memory turns black, blurred and distorted – averting the remnants of…

made to love 

  I know now that you were sent my way to make me take deeper roots, to remind me that I’m resilient, that I will always find ways to endure. You almost got me for a while there; your vile words were the ear worm that found its way inside and reminded me of the…